Father and Son Fishing
The scene is a lake in a forest like surrounding, on a nice day, the sun is out and the sky is blue.There is a father and son at the lake, the father is on the bank fishing rod in hand and the son is in the lake off the shore swimming around. The father casts his rod and sits to wait, while the sonswims around and dips his head into the water and come up with a little fish in his mouth and then flipsit up and swallows. Then the son gestures to the dad to get into the lake with him, but the father shakeshis head no. The son splashes the father and the father gets hit and looks scared and obviously doenst like the water. Then the father gets a bite on his line. Its a big one and it pulls the father twords the lake. he has his toes to the edge ofthe lake and is leaning over trying his best not to fall into the lake. right as it looks like hes aboutto fall in he lets go of his rod, and looks at the water terrified. the father backs up from the lake as you can seethe large fish start to swim around and circle his son. the son notices and tries to fly up but before he can get muchout of the water you see the huge fish latch onto his foot and pull him under. the father looks stunned. the baby popsback up but is obviously in trouble. the father looks around paniced, gets close to the water looks at it and starts to tremble in fear.he then takes a deep breath as u see him reach onto his vest and pull a string. just then aninflateable duck raft pops out of his vest and the father jumps into the water. the scene zooms out on the father swimmingin an infinate amout of water like an ocean. the father shakes his head and begins to paddle out to his son. he gets close and then from a fishes view you see the father and his huge looking raft. so the fish lets go of the son to go after thehuge duck which is the raft. the fish comes from below the father at full speed knocking him out of the raft high into the air.you see the fish is now stuck in the raft and flailing about. the father comes falling down and lands into the waterright next to his son. his son is happy as the father looks around and takes notice that he is swimming and his son is safe.
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3 comments:
I like where this is going but I think it could still use a little more growth. Just little things like maybe the father shouldn't just take note that he is swimming in the end. Perhaps he should freak out once in sinks in just what he is doing and he starts kicking and screaming, making a scene, and the father finds this humorous and it ends with them both laughing about what has just happened. Keep pushing the ending, I'm not sure it's enough to satisfy the viewer.
Firstly, you established a nice emotion element with the father’s fear of the water and his urgent need to over come the fear in order to save his son. However, the piece could benefit with a few cinematic devices to help tie the narrative together. For example, if you were to have a flash back sequence of a traumatic event in the father life pertaining to water this would better explain to the audience why he is a afraid of the water. Lastly the ending seems rushed and incomplete. Simply put there is no obvious ending.
The opening is nice, it caught me quite well. You build it up nicely too, so despite the fact this is just a summary I wanted to read more to find out what happened.
I agree with the others that the ending seems to be lacking. I think I got a little lost after the father jumped into the water with the raft. Is there any other way the fish could be gotten rid of, or perhaps a way to add more to what's already there.
A side note on the falling into the water at the end: they're ducks, right? So are they able to fly? Or do they just think they can?
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